The critique goal is to improve your writing and editing skills; the fall-out is helping another writer do the same.
As writers, we understand noun and pronoun usage, plot movement, character arc, overstating, under-explaining, but they are at times hard to gauge in our own stories. Am I telling the reader what they need to know, or too much? Enough description or does the particular paragraph border on purple prose? How and when should I emphasize an important point to make sure readers do not miss it?
These are the more difficult things to know. Readers will pick up on different nuances depending on their skill (and yours), and some will be missed. So be it—I do not recommend writing to the lowest common denominator. Still, we writers must be cognizant of the reader with each word choice, every sentence, and the order delivered.
James’s critique of my novel surprised me in what he noticed, and alternatively, a couple items he missed . . . or did he? Will a foreshadowing seed hinted in the early part of the book bear fruit when he arrives at the fulfillment? Some items remain to be seen. Just because he did not mention a particular hint does not mean the seed did not get filed away to sprout at a future time in the novel. I wait to see if I succeeded or vagueness undermined me.
Critiquing involves a slew of issues (contextual, logistical, rational), but the most helpful is the sentence and phrasing missteps a fellow writer will see that the creator missed—the “Meat” of improving your writing.
The following items from his critique point to the common things we know as writers but still miss when editing our own writing. I will comment as necessary. James pointing out the flaws magnifies the need for me to improve my editing skills—again, one of the main reasons for finding an honest critique partner.
Readers can and do put aside some logistical issues demonstrated by readers who have “studied” the Harry Potter books—what they won’t forgive is poor writing.
What follows are examples of poor writing James found in my manuscript: some work as originally written, others need improvement, and others are just bad.
Set-up: Aban is my protagonist’s mount. At this point my MC is taking a seriously injured comrade to a healer.
Example: Aban dashed, smooth and sure through the narrow pass, across the bridge to Nychelle’s Gate where sentries yelled for him to stop, closed gates forcing him to do so.
James’ comment: This would carry a little more urgency broken up. eg., “Aban dashed through the narrow pass and across the bridge. The gates were closed. Sentries yelled for them to stop.”
Urgency is an important ingredient.
Next sentence: The gate swung outward.
James’ comment: Needs a small beat there. “There was a pause (tension), then the gate swung outward.”
Tension is good.
Example: “Tristyn’s allegiance is critical to any success of defeating the King.”
James’ comment: omit “any success of.”
Yes, cut unnecessary words.
Example: “Winter will be upon us, and we need to get a base camp to work from.”
James’ comment: Omit “to get.”
Again, cut unnecessary words. I might even shorten it further and remove to work from.
Example: Her face grew hopeful, he thought. “We should travel together.”
James’ comment: Filtering. Just “her face grew hopeful” tells us that he is thinking it.
Overwriting, check; one of my flaws where special attention is needed. This is a good reminder.
Example: The trainer turned when he rode up, and Aban slowed to a gentle stop beside her. He nodded in greeting.
James’ comment: Name who nodded (the MC). The last “he” was Aban.
My take: Actually, the last “he” referenced my MC, but there remains ambiguity as to who nodded.
Correct noun-pronoun mix-up.
The listed examples involve inferior phraseology, items that can and should—for the most part—be corrected. There are more. Some are embarrassing.
Letting others read your writing opens a chest of concerns and fears. These are normal emotions, ones you can use in your own writing to enliven characters into the minds and hearts of your reader. Study the feelings, the how’s and why’s, the circumstances causing the emotions to better understand yourself and others—and just as important, the people living in your stories.
Writing is growing, and as creators we must continue to learn and improve. Critiquing is a good tool to help on the path of becoming a better writer. I encourage you to find a critique partner, and together, both of you can evolve into the writers you are meant to be.
See you on the next page,
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